[Most Recent Entries]
Below are the 6 most recent journal entries recorded in
|Sunday, March 11th, 2007|
so whats new with everyone? well were keeping the kid and i find out the 2nd of April if its a boy or a girl! and well i no that my boyfriends sticking around... were gonna get married. mainly so i get on medical cause i can't afford any of this crap... the only crappy part is that were not gonna have a real wedding just a judge no dress no nodda, at least not for a year or so till we get the money to do it. plus then i'll be able to have fun and were a dress and not feel like i look horrid plus well be able to have a honeymoon and all that lovely crap... but yea i guess thats it for now
Tif-Tif Current Mood: blank
|Friday, January 26th, 2007|
So it's been a really long time since i've updated. well everythings all messed up i'm pregnant... its a scary thing cause i dont no whats gonna happen or what i'm gonna do. i'm keeping the kid cause i dont believe in abortions or giveing up a kid to adoption so i'm kinda stuck. but in a way i'm hopeing it'll be a good thing hopefully it'll get me out of this mental depressed state that i've been in for a really long time. the thing i have to really worry about though is my boyfriend and weather or not hes going to stick around. i'm pretty sure he will but he has so many problems as it is, and he bearly talks to me anymore. its confusing... but i'm hopeing for the best. idk i'll try to update more later, hows everyone doing?
Tiff-Tiff Current Mood: blah
|Wednesday, May 3rd, 2006|
|Why does it have to be so cold, when your all alone?
Current Mood: numb
Alone in the night, what a fright…
Blinded by her pain and misery,
the light no longer shined on thee.
But somewhere in her darkness,
was a speck of light,
that she held so tight.
As she sat in her bed,
alone in her head.
Afraid of the night,
longing for that golden light.
“If I could just hold on a little longer,
I know in the end I will be stronger.
But I can know longer go on lying
just to keep on crying.”
But somewhere in that night,
she lost her speck of light.
She cried till she died,
yet she wrote of how she lied.
She spoke of the role she played,
the lie that carried her all this way.
But still they cried,
and dreamt of her last goodbye.
“They never stopped me from crawling,
or tried to catch me when I was falling.
How they said they would care if I died,
yet they never cared if I cried.”
Looking at her laying there,
thinking of her flying everywhere.
We think of her eyes,
and the one hidden inside,
Oh how we cried…
“Maybe now they will not longer wait, until it is to late…”
|Tuesday, May 2nd, 2006|
|Why did i ever make you say goodbye?
How many days will I die,
before you can hear me cry?
Locked inside my mind,
screaming for help inside.
Yet keeping you blind
from the pain in my eyes
and all the tears I’ve cried.
Will I ever wake
or is this really my fate?
To forever wake
in this pain filled state.
His eyes locked with mine,
what warmth I felt inside.
The love we shared,
how it made me scared.
That now alone I cry
for I made him say
Oh, how I miss his kiss...
I hate lies yet I have so many of my own; I try so hard to hide from myself, afraid to see what is really left of me. I once hade someone who loved me someone who made me feel alive again but the only fear I have is of love, so I pushed him away. Why did I have to be so stupid? I’ve never been afraid of anything before, and I didn’t know how to handle it, I still don’t. But I’ve never regretted anything as much as I regret letting the love of my life go and he’ll never know… Current Mood: indescribable
|Saturday, April 22nd, 2006|
|Will it ever end???
How many tears must I cry,
for the darkness to pass bye.
Will I ever wake from this,
pain filled state.
Is it my own tell tail fate,
that alone I should wait.
Now I hold my tears inside,
afraid to even cry.
Lost in all the lies,
blinding myself from my own eyes.
I let the tears roll down my cheeks
forming puddles at my feet.
I pull the blade across my wrist,
as I watched the blood pour into my fist.
My death will set me free,
no longer any mystery.
The tears will stop,
when I no longer drop.
Finally it is my time to say goodbye,
for no one is left to wonder why.
Before I close my eyes,
I look to the skies.
And sing my finally lullabies….
I feel so alone in this world, no matter how tight anyone holds me I can’t stop falling. I’ve cried myself to sleep every night since I was nine, and finally after all the pain and all the hate, I stopped crying. I feel as if I’ll never cry again, like its bottling up inside of me. I don’t know how to explain it but I want to cry I cannot die while I have people that care for me, but at least before I could cry. I hated crying myself to sleep, but now I’ve forgotten what its like to sleep. What do I do, how can I make it through? Dose any one no what its like to be living your life for someone else? To wake up every morning wishing I’d die and then fall asleep every night afraid that in the morning I’ll wake. The only reason I’m still alive is because I no what it feels like to loss someone you love and even though there is only one person that loves me, I can not put them through that pain… that pain I no so well. I don’t know, im so confused. I don’t want to live this life I can’t deal with this pain anymore. HELP!!! Current Mood: lonely
|Tuesday, April 18th, 2006|
so my life is a pill of shit, i've had a very bad past 9 years and im olny 16, and shit isn't going to get better any time soon. Why does my life have to be so screwed up? What did i do so wrong for me to have so much pain? i dont no what to do i broke up with my boyfriend after a yaer and a half, i cant stop thinking of my older brother and why it wasn't me that died instead, i can stop thinking of all the people i've lost, my so called mother is kicking me out again, i found out my so called father is still liveing in the state and hes not to far from where i live that no good abusive, alcoholic, duggy, i still dont no if i'll ever get my sister back,the only one that was ever there for me was put in a fucking group home then she ran after afew months of being in the fucked up system, my 3 year old niece goes to court this week and she has to go on stand without anyone she nos in the room but the asshole that fucking raped her, i wished so fucking much that she would forget about what happened to her but there not going to let her, i found out that the only true friend i have loves me and i dont feel the same about her but now that i no how she feels everything is changing shes the onlything that keeps me alive in this world and i dont want to loss her... What do i do? Any one thats been through any type of real pain or anyone that thinks they can help please do, i sit awake every night all night long thinking over and over about what keeps me alive and every day that list gets shorter and shorter. I don't want to give up but im so close to it with nothing stoping me... What do you do when your a 16 year old girl with no real family one real friend and pain on top of pain? How am i supossed to go to sleep every night noing that im going to wake up in the morning, to the same bullshit, the same emptieness, the same pain? i dont get it, i dont no what im liveing for but i want to give up, but then again i just want someone to tell me that its going to get better, not like i haven't heard it a million times befor but everyone just stoped saying it they found it point less to keep lieing to me, but even though i no its a lie it still gave me a slight bit of hope... and no one even cares to say it. Why does it have to be so cold when your alone?
you broke my heart as you watched me fall apart
lost in your own lies to blind to see the pain in my eyes...
-Tiff- Current Mood: depressed